It's been a long time since I have been here. Not because I haven't had anything to say, but because I haven't known where I wanted those words to go.
For a long time I thought I wanted to write for a big publication one day. But after years of climbing the "ladder" with unfulfilled columns and being boxed in to specific categories and wording by my editors, I have found writing for someone else was truly just work. And being paid minimally or not at all was not enough to make me want to do something that felt like work. Like musicians being solicited to play for free for exposure I felt used and walking the wrong path.
So I took a hiatus. From writing. But not from thinking.
I have been thinking. A lot. About life, my sense of self, family, the crappy media, Trayvon Martin, the future, weird dreams, expectations, time, this country, my carb intake, my lame attempts at exercise, people less fortunate, my sick dog, solar energy, our new landscaping project, my lack of friends etc etc. The list is long, as my mind never ever stops.
I didn't stop writing for lack of things to say. Anyone that knows me will tell you I ALWAYS have something to say. I stopped writing because I had no where to share the things that mattered to me most. No one wanted to read that. No one wanted to read the words "I" or "me". They told me my opinions only mattered if they didn't look like my opinions. Then I thought about this blog. And how it paved the way to the place I am right now. And I realized that this was the place for my thoughts, unsolicited advice, opinions and dreams. I left it to pursue what I thought was a naturally progressive journey. I was wrong.
This is how I write. This is what I need to be doing. This is what will take me where I need to go eventually. This feels right. It may not come with a paycheck, but it is lucrative in so many other ways. People can relate. It's about feeling and passion. It's about community and knowing you are not alone.
I started my memoir a long time ago. I was passionate about it. It was easy to write. It is a story that I want to share and I know some people need to read. I stopped writing that too. In my efforts to please the editors and create pieces that showed well for the publications that brought me on board, I forgot how to sit down and let my feelings write for me.
Today is the day I have decided to change that.
For a long time I thought I wanted to write for a big publication one day. But after years of climbing the "ladder" with unfulfilled columns and being boxed in to specific categories and wording by my editors, I have found writing for someone else was truly just work. And being paid minimally or not at all was not enough to make me want to do something that felt like work. Like musicians being solicited to play for free for exposure I felt used and walking the wrong path.
So I took a hiatus. From writing. But not from thinking.
I have been thinking. A lot. About life, my sense of self, family, the crappy media, Trayvon Martin, the future, weird dreams, expectations, time, this country, my carb intake, my lame attempts at exercise, people less fortunate, my sick dog, solar energy, our new landscaping project, my lack of friends etc etc. The list is long, as my mind never ever stops.
I didn't stop writing for lack of things to say. Anyone that knows me will tell you I ALWAYS have something to say. I stopped writing because I had no where to share the things that mattered to me most. No one wanted to read that. No one wanted to read the words "I" or "me". They told me my opinions only mattered if they didn't look like my opinions. Then I thought about this blog. And how it paved the way to the place I am right now. And I realized that this was the place for my thoughts, unsolicited advice, opinions and dreams. I left it to pursue what I thought was a naturally progressive journey. I was wrong.
This is how I write. This is what I need to be doing. This is what will take me where I need to go eventually. This feels right. It may not come with a paycheck, but it is lucrative in so many other ways. People can relate. It's about feeling and passion. It's about community and knowing you are not alone.
I started my memoir a long time ago. I was passionate about it. It was easy to write. It is a story that I want to share and I know some people need to read. I stopped writing that too. In my efforts to please the editors and create pieces that showed well for the publications that brought me on board, I forgot how to sit down and let my feelings write for me.
Today is the day I have decided to change that.
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