There is no shortage of relationship advice online. If you want someone to tell you "it's not you, it's them", you undoubtedly will be able to find something to justify that. If you want an article to tell you how awesome you are as a lover, friend, spouse, whatever, I am sure somewhere you can relate to someones advice. And as much as we don't need anymore relationship experts to chime in, I am going to anyway.
My news feeds seem to be swamped with miserable people's posts about their failed relationships. The most common thread seems to be "How could they do this to me?". Hardly ever do I see "What did I contribute to this situation that caused this to happen?".
Relationship "Do's" are easy to come by. Do this, do that, and you will be prince charming (or whatever you want to be). "Don'ts" are a little harder to swallow, especially when we know we are guilty of them. Taking responsibility for your part in a relationship is not always so easy.
After a considerable amount of relationships, including long term, short term, one nighters, kinky, convenience, friends with benefits, completely inappropriate etc, I have made a lot of mistakes and have had a lot of mistakes made against me. I certainly should have been held accountable for the failure of some but in all fairness, there were plenty where the accountability lied on my partner's end.
However, blame is useless and gets us nowhere. Maturity teaches us to focus on what we personally contribute rather than what someone else does or doesn't give to us.
Relationship "Do's" only work when the "Don'ts" aren't winning.
Here is my (unsolicited) Top 25 list of "Don'ts":
1: Don't assume your partner knows what you are thinking/feeling
2: Don't forget what brought you to the relationship to begin with
3: Don't take anything for granted, you aren't "owed" their love
4: Don't stop communicating
5: Don't forget that your actions effect others
6: Don't let yourself go
7: Don't stop wooing. Ever.
8: Don't be inconsiderate
9: Don't lie
10: Don't sugar coat
11: Don't hold in your feelings
12: Don't "spare them" information that might upset them
13: Don't treat your partner like a companion or roommate. You may just end up that way.
14: Don't stop having sex
15: Don't put your relationship last even when it seems to need the least attention
16: Don't ignore the silence
17: Don't forget to compliment
18: Don't give up
19: Don't allow others to sabotage your relationship
20: Don't forget that you are not the only one with feelings
21: Don't sacrifice who you are
22: Don't cheat
23: Don't stop being spontaneous
24: Don't assume just because you feel complete your partner does
25: Don't forget that someone else is always willing to take your place
Take responsibility. Treat it seriously. Be good to each other.
My news feeds seem to be swamped with miserable people's posts about their failed relationships. The most common thread seems to be "How could they do this to me?". Hardly ever do I see "What did I contribute to this situation that caused this to happen?".
Relationship "Do's" are easy to come by. Do this, do that, and you will be prince charming (or whatever you want to be). "Don'ts" are a little harder to swallow, especially when we know we are guilty of them. Taking responsibility for your part in a relationship is not always so easy.
After a considerable amount of relationships, including long term, short term, one nighters, kinky, convenience, friends with benefits, completely inappropriate etc, I have made a lot of mistakes and have had a lot of mistakes made against me. I certainly should have been held accountable for the failure of some but in all fairness, there were plenty where the accountability lied on my partner's end.
However, blame is useless and gets us nowhere. Maturity teaches us to focus on what we personally contribute rather than what someone else does or doesn't give to us.
Relationship "Do's" only work when the "Don'ts" aren't winning.
Here is my (unsolicited) Top 25 list of "Don'ts":
1: Don't assume your partner knows what you are thinking/feeling
2: Don't forget what brought you to the relationship to begin with
3: Don't take anything for granted, you aren't "owed" their love
4: Don't stop communicating
5: Don't forget that your actions effect others
6: Don't let yourself go
7: Don't stop wooing. Ever.
8: Don't be inconsiderate
9: Don't lie
10: Don't sugar coat
11: Don't hold in your feelings
12: Don't "spare them" information that might upset them
13: Don't treat your partner like a companion or roommate. You may just end up that way.
14: Don't stop having sex
15: Don't put your relationship last even when it seems to need the least attention
16: Don't ignore the silence
17: Don't forget to compliment
18: Don't give up
19: Don't allow others to sabotage your relationship
20: Don't forget that you are not the only one with feelings
21: Don't sacrifice who you are
22: Don't cheat
23: Don't stop being spontaneous
24: Don't assume just because you feel complete your partner does
25: Don't forget that someone else is always willing to take your place
Take responsibility. Treat it seriously. Be good to each other.
