We all change over the course of our lives. Situations, relationships and environment shift who we are. There are times when you wake up and wonder, where the heck "you" went. And times when you thank the powers that be for getting you to the other side. Either way, change is inevitable and certainly shaped by situation and maturity. I don't like change. It upsets my OCD. However I love personal growth. I have grown more in the past couple of years than I think I have my entire life combined. And while I love getting to know myself honestly, I am having difficulties looking back on the changes that have taken place previously that I am not so happy about.
Once upon a time I truly cherished and loved my women. I was a gentleman in everything I did. I gave 110% to whoever I was with, oftentimes obsessively so. I expected nothing in return other than for them to acknowledge the fact that they knew they were treated well. Their happiness was my happiness. Somewhere that stopped working for me. Someone found a way to take everything I was and everything I offered and make a mockery of it. That someone, who I care nothing about today, managed to effect who I am and how I continue to live my life. Sadly every relationship since has suffered. I doubt those I was with felt short changed because that is the only way they knew me. However I know the potential I had as a partner, and the amount of "me" they never got.
The change I experienced and have carried with me was because of my environment, not because I wanted to change. Now that I am "finding myself", I think I need to be open to the idea of reversing negative change and allowing my personal growth to include the pieces of me taken at someone else's hands.
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