Regrets

I am no expert. No really, I'm not. However, if you had ever had an actual conversation with me, you have probably experienced my unsolicited expertise in whatever topic we are discussing.  Likely it had little impact.  I know a little about a lot of things and a lot about very few.  I have tons of unusual life experiences to draw from, but in  no way does that make me an expert.  That being said, I have been thinking a lot about regrets and how to avoid as many as possible.  So I am offering, once again, my expert advice.

I have regrets.  I am sure most of us do. Typically, or for me anyway, they seem to come from situations that ultimately make us feel guilt or remorse. The tequila night that went bad, the time you made your grandmother cry, or when you left your baby at day care by accident. It happens.  When someone asks you "Do you have any regrets", one of those types of scenarios may come up. (And no, those are not my real life examples. Except for maybe the tequila one.)

We also have the "I didn't ever......." regrets.  I should have dated that 18 year old that said they liked cougars, I should have saved more money so my cats don't eat better than I do in retirement, and the ever popular, I should have traveled the world. These aren't really regrets, these or dreams or desires you held yourself back from. (Again, not mine. I have yet to be called a cougar.....dammit.)

So making my grandma cry, denying the 18 year old lover , and never leaving the country aren't regrettable? Well yes, we can regret the behavior, or lack there of. But the feelings that come from that regret are the shame, embarrassment, guilt etc.  Regret isn't a feeling. A feeling comes as a result of regretting something. And emotions are the reason we avoid doing things that we later end up regretting.

The vicious regret cycle.

Today I was thinking of so many things I want to do. Both bucket lists; the reality bucket and the fantasy bucket.  While my fantasy bucket overflows, I am truly not interested in pursuing most of its contents.  I have made the decision that not feelings, but potential bad consequences, land things in the fantasy bucket. I have way too many things to lose and little to gain by picking out of that hat.  The reality bucket list grows as I grow, not in age, but in self. And yet, I find myself visiting that bucket just as infrequently. For that I have regret, or most assuredly will someday.

I think I will head regret off at the pass, or meet it before it finds emotion.

I will stop thinking about what happens after I choose to fulfill a want or need and just fulfill it.