Sacrifice

It has been almost a year since I posted a blog.  In this blog's beginning, I was full of zest and zeal. I wrote daily. At some point it changed to weekly. Then monthly.  The sporadically.  Eventually something caused me to hit a brick wall and fall flat on my writer's ass.  Recently I realized, it was writing that caused me to stop writing.

When I began this blog, I threw my heart and soul to the wind and my readers. In return I found personal freedom, compassion, friends and connections.  I felt that my words made a difference to me and those that read them.  I opened the passion door and found amazing things behind it.  I loved the feelings so much that I reached out to more people and places to lay my words.  Apparently I reached too far.

Somewhere between then and now, writing became work.  I was so happy to contribute to all of the online papers and magazines. I was happily blogging my personal experiences and writing for myself and those that needed to relate. I took on project after project wanting to sink my teeth into everything.  And then, one day, I realized I was working.  No longer had my writing become a release.  I was losing the passion and drive.  I had to think about what I would write instead of hurrying to get to my computer and let out the words that were overflowing in my head. I had stretched my limits. I had sacrificed myself.

Sacrificing yourself.

I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about that lately. So much time in fact, that it has gotten my writing juices flowing and encouraged me back to this blog.

In life, we are taught, learn, or decide that we must make sacrifices for the greater good, be it relationships, those less fortunate etc.  However somewhere I think many of us lose sight of what it means to sacrifice.  For me, sacrificing means giving up something or compromising to make whatever work. Certainly it should never be a negative thing, but rather something you WANT to do. It should be a conscious decision done in the best interest of whatever your particular interest is.  Sacrificing should be about giving OF yourself, not giving UP yourself.

Many times, for me anyway, the two get confused.  In the past I have found myself agreeing to be less than who I am to pacify a situation.  I have given up parts of me that, frankly, I liked. In an effort to keep moving forward, I didn't realize I lost some important things that didn't deserve to be left behind.

So today, on my first day back here, I will leave you all with the same thought I have been pondering lately:

Sacrifice for compromise should never mean losing yourself for change.