Phone call

The other day I was having a phone conversation with my mother. I sent her a picture text and being that she is old and cell phone challenged and near sighted, she thought it said she missed a call from me. So she called me 'back'. Hurray for me. I was not in the mood for a superficial conversation. Usually her calls entail passing judgment on someone or just obviously false terms of endearment. This particular conversation involved a woman that administered my mother's motorcycle road test many years ago.

My mother has pretended for quite some time now to be OK with my relationship. I know she isn't. She probably truly wants to be, but she isn't. So I hear the false tone in her voice that most people don't pick up on. The "Oh it's great to see you" comment translates to, "now I have to wonder if you are going to embarrass me". I am well aware of her fake demeanor, and honestly I no longer care. I think she thinks she has come a long way.

During the phone conversation regarding the motorcycle test lady, I mentioned that she must have passed my mothers friend Robert and not her because he was such a stud muffin. Those of us who know Robert, know he is a wonderful guy, but far from a stud muffin. My mother's reply, "That woman would have had a hard time even getting the attention of Robert......". She could have stopped there. I knew it was typical Robert teasing, and I got the point. However the comment continued..."or a woman for that matter. It wouldn't have mattered what her orientation was or wasn't."

Now I ask you, what was the purpose of that part of the comment? I am sure it was her attempt at showing me how 'cool' she is with gay people. Or perhaps it was her way of stating that even in the worse case scenario (gay) this woman was going to stay lonely. Her comment reminded me of the racist comments some of my elderly family members made long ago. They never quite understood that by adding "He was a nice guy THOUGH" or "I know SOME I really like" or "I went to school with ONE" you don't neutralize the rest of the racist comment. And its no different with my mother. By trying to 'add' in a gay reference where it doesn't need to be, it just says to me that she is still ignorant and does not accept me entirely.

I cant say that I spend too much time worrying about what my mother has to think anymore. Her thought processes have caused enough damage to my life already. However, I will keep diligent on whose calls I answer next time.