Monday, January 10, 2011

Virtual Friends to Die For

Recently Simone Back committed suicide. Her last correspondence with people was a status update on Facebook,"Took all my pills be dead soon so bye bye everyone.” Her death is yet another senseless tragedy for the LGBT community. The way in which it unfolded made me question what social media is doing to the world.

None of her "friends" did anything to save her. No one made a phone call to the police or a relative. Instead numerous comments followed and opened up discussions and banter back and forth between the very people Simone had come to believe were her friends.

Most things you read regarding Simone seem to center on the fact that no one took responsibility for her death. Personally, as sad as the story is, I have to question where the liability lies, or if there even is any. Morally you would think that even if you did not truly know someone you would at least consider reaching out to someone if you were to read her final statement. However morals are not necessarily grounds for liability.

Most of us have social media friends that we have no idea who they are. Some of us have gained them through networking, friends in common, and due to similar interest groups etc. Others are simply collectors. Simone was painted out to be a collector. This was a woman with obvious issues. I don't know anything about her, only what I have read and I don't dare speculate. However one that commits suicide is not without issues. She had a great number of friends on Facebook yet very little seemed to know who she was personally. Whatever her reason for feeling the need to have so many online friendships, it doesn't mean that those she "friended" have a legal obligation to save her from herself. I cannot imagine ignoring her pleas myself, but I am not everyone else.

I do find it eerily strange that no one reached out to Facebook or the authorities. Even in the group of those engaging in the "she is faking" commentary you would think at least one person would have had a moment of morality. As twisted as her virtual friendships showed to be, I am not sure they are to blame for help not arriving. I have read the Facebook bashing as well. Distraught people feeling Facebook should have a better handle on its community's safety. I think they would only carry blame if someone had reported it to them and they ignored it. It's a free networking site, not a babysitter.

For fear of being seen as heartless, let me say I feel horrible for what happened to Simone and to her mother who was finally notified via a text message sixty hours after the fact telling her she should check on Simone. I feel terrible for the sad place Simone was in, for her feeling so connected to her virtual community that her last cry for help was to them. I feel sick that none of those virtual relationships were strong enough to care, even though I am sure she was counting on one to be.

In this day and age we need to step back and analyze where we are dedicating our time and efforts. While its nice to have access to people we would never have the opportunity to cross paths with otherwise, we need to stay in reality. We need to nurture real friends and relationships. We need to understand the magnitude of what will and what won't happen if your life is consumed only with your friends who live on your screen

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