Nature Vs. Nurture

I have been thinking a lot lately about certain relationships and their negative impact on life. Some days I am confident enough to tell myself there is no room for negative people or feelings, that life is just too short. Other days I find myself obsessed with "fixing" what's wrong. Its makes me wonder if we, as people, are even strong enough to walk away when we know things in our lives are toxic. It seems senseless to continue to try to correct something you have no control over. Toxic relationships are everywhere, we all have them. People we want to love that have no idea how to love us back. We waste precious time and resources trying to change ourselves to fit into the poison situation. Many times we are perfectly content to accept blame when it isn't even warranted, if it can make things the least bit better. Why do we nurture what is so blatantly bad for us? Is it nature or instinct to attempt to survive the experience? Are we that afraid of loss and loneliness that we allow the toxins to control who we really are? Perhaps we are too afraid of the unknown to risk it.

I understand completely when emotions, or fear of them, get in the way of rationale. What I haven't been able to understand is when people expend all their energy on what doesn't work and so little on what does. By allowing nature to dictate your nurturing, the relationships that need the most work, the ones that are the most poisonous, always seem to get the most attention. The things that are good in your life should be celebrated and stroked. Ignoring what doesn't need so much work sends a very negative message. Its says, you are not worthy of my time and attention.

I remember as a child I had a special needs cousin whose older sister was often times ignored because she needed less care. Unfortunately less physical care didn't mean she needed less emotional care. I recall feeling very sorry for her. She was a straight A student, always kept her room immaculate, excelled in dance school and was very giving. However, no one seemed to notice her. She was a very capable young girl and people interpreted that as her having little need. It was very sad to always see this girl, full of heart, getting so little in return. To this day I always try to make sure I nurture all things in my life that are good to me, not just the ones that yell the loudest for attention.

We have a responsibility to all people that touch us. Its the amount of responsibility we take on that we must decide. To what extent do we use our time, energy and resources on relationships that will never heal, are unhealthy or toxic? How much should we take from those that are deserving to try to fix those that may not be? How do we find the strength to walk away from what we know is poison and feed that which is not? Balance is essential in all things. Nature dictates our instincts, our hearts and souls dictate how much we nurture those instincts.