My Hiatus

Although I have attempted to take a mental hiatus from my blog and writing in general, the need to write has been too overwhelming to stay away. My decisions to retreat are the same ones that have brought me back, overwhelming emotions.

It was difficult at best to drum up two articles and send them off to the editors today, even though I was very passionate about my topics. Something is boiling deep inside, something I am not quite sure of its identity. My emotional roller coaster of late has had me reflecting all over the place. I am finding myself experiencing the most extreme of emotions. And while some are terribly sad in nature, I am truly enjoying the levels in which I am able to feel right now. For me negative feelings aren't always just negative. They evoke passion in me, and passion is what fuels me.

So in my uncontrollable emotional state, I have taken many recent journeys down memory lane. I do this often. Not to remember better times, or those I lost, but to see where I have grown from the experience. It may seem a tad masochistic to relive painful memories, but for me the sadness enables me to appreciate all that is good in my life. And for as many things as I can still find wounds, I can find what's healing them.

The holidays are especially difficult for me. They bring back many haunting memories. But I allow them in. I allow myself to feel them and to realize that I can feel them from a much safer place now. And I am grateful. This time of year is supposed to be about giving and loving and appreciating what you have. It may have taken the majority of my life to finally get to a place where I am grateful for more things than I am burdened. But I am there.

Thanks to all that have supported, encouraged or loved me through my writing endeavors and personal growth this year. May your holidays find you safe and nurtured in the best possible ways.

~EB