The holidays afford us a great opportunity to spend time with friends and family. For some of us it also affords us the possibility to pull our hair out in frustration. Family gatherings can be especially difficult for the black sheep of the family. Even if you are accepted by your parents or siblings, inevitably you will find yourself in the company of someone who doesn't 'know' you. Bringing a partner to the occasion adds more eggshell walking moments to the mix.
In a perfect world we would be able to stand by our convictions and not care who thought what of us. But in reality it does matter, at least deep down. Nothing is more unsettling then knowing some twice removed family member is staring at you and sizing you up. You can feel it in the air and see it out of the corner of your eye. Nothing says happy holidays like whispers and distorted faces. You know darn well they are intrigued even if they are disgusted, and are assuredly attempting to picture your most intimate moments in their head.
For most of my life my partners have been introduced, by my own family, as my friend or roommate, the ultimate act of their shame. The lack of acknowledgment is very painful, especially when you know your relationship trumps the majority of the ones in the room. In order to save face or not have to explain me, my family can single handedly belittle all that is good in my life. The moment screams of their embarrassment and inability to think not everyone shares their feelings. Self protecting becomes very selfish.
Sitting on the couch, making sure not to accidentally show any public signs of affection for someone I have been with for almost 15 years is difficult to say the least. People's lack of acceptance has driven me to the point where I attempt to avoid their embarrassment of me. I go out of my way to not be who I am. Their selfishness has conditioned me to fear myself.
Holidays are a great way to spend time with loved ones. For me, its a great way to wish I was back home.
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