All In Relativity

The funny thing about memories is our ability to change them to suit our needs. Put two people in the same room and they will say they experienced two completely different things. Sure certain parts of the scenario will be similar, but when asked, you would get two different explanations. That's because emotion alters perception. Everything we experience is a product of relativity.

I am in the midst of writing a book. Essentially it is a memoir. In my reality it is an explanation of who I am now and I how I got there. It is chuck full of taboo topics and experiences. It is highly sexual, deviant and sometimes disturbing. It is my past, my experience, and what molded me. However to many, it will just be a book of erotica or otherwise disgusting material, depending on your own life experiences.

If you ask what happened to me when I was a child, I am likely to tell you a completely different story than my mother. We were both there in the same place at the same time. Yet somehow we see things from polar opposites. I know I was a victim, she thinks pretending it didn't happen means not having to deal with it. I wanted to talk about it, she wanted to sweep it under the carpet. I wanted to be empowered by my experiences, she wanted to make sure I didn't humiliate her. Emotion was the only difference in how we experienced things. The experiences were what they were. Undeniable. Ask her, they never happened. Ask me I will give you stories to make your head spin.

Memories are so easily twisted. We have an uncanny ability to use selective memory as a defense mechanism. We have choices in how they effect us and how we allow them to effect our relationships with people. I could have chosen to live the life of a child scorn. To fall back on that excuse for my misfortunes and bad choices. Instead I chose to own my experiences; to use them, learn from them. It taught me how not to behave, what not to do and how people want to be treated. I learned that sex was not love, and those that should love you the most sometimes dont. I also learned that everyone has become who they are by way of how they have digested their past, and that my way is not the only way. When I reflect on my memories I see that I should never have to be obligated to those that hurt me, no matter the relationship.

My experiences are mine. Even those that shared them with me cannot make the rules in what I take from them. I may not be able to alter what they take with them, but I don't have to feel guilty for not sharing the memory their way.