The Suicide Door

Today's topic was going to be written from a purely selfish position. Although there are always people out there that will relate, the topic itself would have been fueled by me and how it effects me primarily. I decided that I needed to not only write for myself today, I felt obligated to write for others.

Yesterday I commented on someone's post regarding teenage suicide. The topic itself always hits home as I struggled with depression most of my life. As an adult I am more capable of finding ways to combat those feelings. I have more life experience which to draw from and more resources. Suicide kills more young people each year than traffic accidents. We spend a considerable amount of money in this country trying to keep our youth safe behind the wheel. Why don't we spend the same, or more, trying to keep our kids safe from their own sadness?

As I look back now, I can see how things unfolded in my life that created my depression. My friends knew little of it, my family chose to ignore it. I felt I had zero outlets and resources. Dysfunctional household relationships, violence, rejection, substance abuse, self esteem, sexual orientation, gender issues. Likely you know someone that has experienced at least some of the things listed above. Just living through one of those experiences can be enough to trigger an emotional imbalance.

I want to say I don't blame anyone when a suicide occurs, but actually I do. I don't believe for one minute the people that say "we never saw a sign". The signs are there. Someone doesn't become suicidal overnight. Anyone close to a young person should be able to see the signs. Even when teens are so off the wall and ever changing. The key is to 'know' these kids. Really know them. To form bonds and healthy relationships with them so you are in tune with the warning signs. Not all kids will sleep all day, cry all night, doodle dead people on their notebooks. Its not that simple. But they ALL exhibit some behavior that says "please, the door is open, come in and find me". All too often, people walk past the door or choose to ignore it.

The worst thing you can ever do for someone feeling suicidal, is to diminish those feelings. In an attempt to 'kick start' their strength, the most common response is "get over it". Many times all a person with suicidal ideations needs is validation that they are feeling bad. Trying to 'help' them ignore their feelings is the same thing as saying they don't exist. Even trying to explain why what they feel is irrational sends the same message. What that young person hears is "YOU are irrational".

I know from experience that suicide is not the first option you think of, and certainly not the end result you truly want. Its a long process of constantly being invalidated that eventually reinforces the notion that no matter what, no one is ever going to care or understand.

Its not easy to deal with young people these days. Its difficult to understand where they come from. Its distressing to see the world they live in. But one thing that has never changed are human feelings. They have them and they need to be acknowledged. It IS the responsibility of those close to them to learn these kids. To pay attention to these kids. To know when that door is open and to walk through.