I am a who

An article I read today got me thinking. Thinking about how, even with the best of intentions, I have always come with an attachment of 'what' opposed to an explanation of 'who'.

Straight people don't carry labels that refer to their sexuality or their gender. Bob is rarely referred to as Bob the straight guy. Bob is usually linked to his job, his town or something of the like. Bob from Main Street, Bob in accounting. You get the idea. So why is it that Steve the gay guy is referred to as that? Why isn't Steve's address or job title indicative of who he is?

When people objectify others, even without a malicious intent, it immediately puts the one in reference in a position of minority in a negative way. Similar to referring to someone by skin color alone. It is unacceptable to refer to Barbara as "the black girl" so why is it OK to refer to Steve as "the gay guy"? While not OK in any circle Steve may travel, it seems acceptable as a society to describe Steve by his sexuality as if that is the majority of his makeup.

I am a lesbian. I get described as such often. Many times I think people are trying to show others that they are OK with my sexuality by saying it. It doesn't bother me in that I feel offended, however it bothers me that being a lesbian seems to be the first and foremost thing I have to offer. Its seems my ability to raise children properly, stay gainfully employed, manage a household, and stay committed in a long term relationship take a back seat to who I choose to sleep with. Add to that the knowledge that I am gender fluid and basically all normal perceptions of me as a productive part of society fall by the wayside and are completely unimportant.

If I was lucky enough to spend the majority of my life having lesbian sex and nothing else, I would hope someone would refer to me as the lesbian....you know THAT lesbian. Until then I would prefer to be referred to as who I am not what I am.