Looking into the mirror this morning, I realized it was a day when I don't look on the outside how I feel on the inside. I got thinking about the gazillion times I have heard people say, "Its who you are on the inside that matters". While I agree with that statement, I felt a little resentful that the phrase doesn't pertain to me. Who I am on the inside is the basis for everything people judge me for. Who I am on the outside is pretty typical and unnoticeable. The inside is where my identity, my sexual orientation and my past lies. The very things that have the ability to make me ugly and unworthy to a great majority of ignorant closed minded people. And while I recognize the fact that they mean nothing to me, it is those same hypocritical people that make the "its who you are on the inside that matters" statement when they or their loved ones are being cruelly judged.
When I have to face the stranger in the mirror I don't see who I am, I pick apart everything that is not what it is supposed to be. I look to my maturity and knowledge for comfort. I tell myself I know who I am and I am comfortable with that. I try to convince myself that others don't matter, but in reality, they do. Today I wondered, as the years slip by, will there ever come a time when I step in front of that mirror and see myself, not someone else using my insides as a way for their outsides to get around.
"It's who you are on the inside that matters". If that is so, then why do so few people bother to look there?
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