Straight Women

The book I am reading touches on an intimate relationship between two women,one lesbian and one straight. The story takes me back to a time in my life when I preferred to court straight women. I always loved a good game of cat and mouse. I loved the chase and the conquest. I loved the attention. Although being the token lesbian in the group gets tiring, I never exhausted of straight women needing to know that if they wanted to, I would say yes to them. Now that I am older, and a whole lot wiser, I know their attention had little to do with me, a lot to do with their own ego.

As I am reading I am reminded that I struggle daily with the thoughts of "When will she remember what she liked about men and return to them?". Even after fourteen years of being together, it has never left my head. In days past I didn't care. Men were not a threat to me, they still aren't. However that is my perception of them, and I cant possibly know what anyone else truly feels. I worry endlessly that the sex is not enough, that although I can connect in ways no man can, I cannot do what they do. Not really. Will there come a time when she misses that more than she enjoys me?

I love straight women. I always have. There is something innocent yet fiery about them. Those first moments are indescribable. To feel the unbridled passion and freedom pour from them is exhilarating. Unfortunately as soon as she catches her breath, reality typically rears its ugly head. The truths of what it means to be in a same sex relationship surface. The sudden need to hide who they are. The realization that they now have to endure what comes with being a minority. The fact that indeed, the world is very different from this place. For some its worth the effort, for most, it is not.

I have always preferred straight women. I lived for the once in a life time experiences I knew they could never find with their male partners. A long time ago I was happy to forsake an honest relationship for those moments. Today I am a different person. I have not changed, I have evolved. I do not need the conquests and obsessions like I did then. I do not need the attention and the validation. However,as much as those needs have diminished, the need to feel safe has not.

I am hoping for a happily ever after for my book couple's relationship, and for my own.