Pray the Gay Away?

Last night's airing of Pray the Gay Away? on the Oprah Winfrey Network left me with so many things to ponder. Being gay myself, and quite comfortable with that part of me, I found myself easily angered at what seemed to be complete ignorance on some people's parts. However, when I put my anger aside, I was able to see that these people were not truly ignorant, they were in fact victims of the utmost damaging brainwashing I have ever seen.

I personally don't care how I 'became' a lesbian. If it was genetic, environment, trauma or a combination, it matters not to me. I am what I am and who I am and I how I got here really doesn't effect what I think about myself. However, anyone watching that program, gay or not, would be able to pick the gay-turned-straight guy out of a crowd of a thousand as a gay man. His appearance, his speech, his fluidity were very apparent. For someone who has been 'changed' to a straight man, I find it hard to understand why his mannerisms didn't change to straight ones as well. If his gayness was a behavior that could be changed, why was the sexual aspect the only thing about him that changed and nothing else? Why? Because he is still gay.

Anyone can change a behavior. I can go sleep with a million men if I wanted to. Does that make me a straight woman? No, it makes me a lesbian that just slept with a million men. Our sexuality isn't just about who we sleep with. It explains who we are as people. It effects who we relate to and connect with. Sexuality doesn't just equal sexual acts. Our actual sex lives, for the most part, are a very small part of what we do, yet for gay people it becomes all of how they are perceived. Confusing sexuality with sexual acts is why someone that doesn't understand same gender intimacy projects their disgust onto the gay person as a whole. It makes sense that these same people would then assume by changing the sexual act someone partakes in ultimately changes their being.

I am not a religious person. I made the decision not to be. However I believe anyone should have the opportunity to believe what they want and need to. It saddened me to see the children in this documentary growing up believing in their God yet thinking the God they expect to save them is the same God that is condemning them. The confusion that God would put someone "broken and wrong" on this earth, and that person is you, is a very difficult concept for a child, or anyone for that matter, to swallow. Growing up gay is very difficult to begin with. Growing up gay in a religious environment that doesn't accept you as a person is devastating.

I understand the reason programs that promote gay to straight conversion therapy exist. I understand for some life would be made "right" if only they could find a way to change. What I don't understand is why who you love and who you are intimate with dictate how you rank as a human being. And I don't understand how falsifying a behavior and lying to yourself makes you a better person than someone who is true to who they are and others.