(reprinted with permission)
Letter To My Son: The Birds & Bees Letter
By Jo LeGall
"Got notice that your health class will be on the 19th so I'm writing this now and mailing it later. Not sure I could have done this in person without fidgeting. Wanted to pass on some advice I wish they taught during health class. Advice I never got from my parents either, if you count the warning to not come home if a. sick or b. pregnant. So here it is, enough stalling:
1. The number 1 prevention of HIV/AIDS is to get tested at the same time. That means you and your partner. Not knowing your status or their status is the top cause in the spread of HIV/AIDS. Assumptions get folks infected.
2.Using a condom is your responsibility to yourself. No one is going to say "Hey, I'm positive" or "I've got x,y,z." then hand you a convenient rubber.
3. Condoms don't protect for everything. N-9 might kill sperm but it does not kill the HIV virus or STDs. In fact, N-9 actually increases your risk of getting HIV/AIDS. That's why number 1 is so important.
4. Don't even think about kids unless you can financially multiply your income by two, all by yourself. That is what it will cost to raise a kid as a single parent. Multiply by three if it is you, a partner and baby. One of you won't be able to work full time and take care of a new born. You remember how hard it was when Mike (baby bro) was tiny. (this was around the custody trial and my eldest took over diaper changes, bottle feeding etc at the age of 5 and potty training at age 8. Convincing me that my ex is an ass.)
5. There are different types of sex. Most classes say to abstain from vaginal sex or anal sex to prevent pregnancy, STDs, and HIV/AIDs. Well oral sex is sex too. You can contract an STD from oral sex and having an STD increases your chances of getting infected, regardless of which side of the exchange you are on.
6. Condoms break, or come off during sex, or a partner can poke holes in it to make you a parent or get back at you. Always bring your own and put it on yourself. Make sure you're also holding on to the end closet to you when done. Condoms have been known to disappear inside, which kind of defeats the purpose.
7. Make testing a part of your check up, and a part of your dating conversation before sex. You're both adults. Well, you will be then hopefully.
8. Get real familiar with state laws on sex. They do have them and let them guide you when dating. In New Jersey, the age of sexual consent is 18. That means it's illegal for someone over 18 to date you if you're under. Prison sentences are anywhere from 5 to 30 years. In New Jersey it is statutory rape to have sex with anyone 13 and younger. So, no dating for you until age 15 mister! The sentence for aggravated sexual assault of a minor 13 and under is 10 to 20 years. Plus being listed as a sex offender. Which means, no contact with anyone under the age of 18. Which means no more school, no chance of a good job, no college and no family since you'd have to move out.
Sex with anyone under the age of 15 when you are 18 will get you a sentence of 5 to 10 years and registered as a sex offender. So, no dating until you're 15 mister and make sure they're in the same grade! I can't tell you not to have sex, although I really, really want to. Just make sure you are physically and legally safe. Remember "no means no" and that goes for you too. If you say "no" they have to respect you. Pushing the issue is a big sign of disrespect.
9. You are either sexual or asexual. You either have sexual interest in one or both sexes or you have romantic or platonic interest in one or both sexes. That would have cleared a ton of things up for me but you experience life by trial and error. Whether you have sexual interest or no sexual interest is fine. There's also no wrong person to have an interest in. They may be wrong for everyone else and perfect for you. Perfect for you is all that matters.
10. A good relationship is built on more than love. There is trust, honesty, respect and communication. That person you are with must love you just the way you are and you should feel the same. If they find some part of you disgusting, disappointing or whatever, that's not love baby boy.
11. Spend within your means. If you cannot afford something don't buy it. If your partner knows you can't then the gift you can afford will be twice as nice. Trying to impress with who you are not is not being honest, respectful, trusting or communicating. Not a good way to start a relationship. If you can lie about the little things no one believes the important things.
12. Always know that I love you just the way you are. There is naught that you could say or do that could stop me from loving you. My biggest concern will always be that you love yourself as unconditionally as I do.
Now pass this letter on when it's your brother's turn in Health class. It applies to all of you. I love you. I miss you.
Love Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment