Its not Poly, Its my head

I tend to write a lot about crossing gender lines during intimate moments. Perhaps its because I am very aware of what is happening then. Maybe its because I am not distracted by trying to fit myself into the shoe box of the moment like I am during my work day and interaction with people that don't 'know' me.

Whatever the case, I am acutely aware of the blurred lines in which I love from. What I don't know for certain, is what my head is truly tapping into, especially during self love. I know I have talked about experiencing excitement from both gender spaces. But I haven't discussed (because I just thought about it today), the confusion I have over what part of the picture in my head I am aroused by.

There are many scenarios I can think up that will arouse me. All have at least two people involved, some more. And they all have both sexes involved. Since I am without a doubt a lover of women, I can only assume my fascination with men during masturbation is out of penis envy or my desire to have some cougar take on the young boy inside of me.

When I fantasize (and I use that term loosely), I cannot with any degree of certainty know who I am relating to in the scenario. I don't ever picture me, and I don't ever picture someone I know. I suppose I just make up my own porno flick to suit me. My thoughts encompass all aspects of who I am. Predator, prey, younger, older, male, female, experienced, novice. Take a couple of those and mash them together with different genders, and you have a ton of possibilities and combinations.

I feel sorry for people that are aroused by only one gender, one thought, one mindset. And although I don't really know who is 'getting off' in my thoughts as well as my pants, I don't think I care. I have the ability to be anything and all of these things, and that opens up a world of opportunity. I take these thoughts and bring them over into my intimate moments.

I feel fortunate that I have a wide variety of feelings and expressions I can use in my love making. I feel even more fortunate that I have a partner that can find a connection with them all. For us, it is like having multiple partners and experiences in the bedroom without the hassle of having to deal with multiple people and relationships the rest of the time.