Chicken or the egg

While I was traveling over the weekend, I had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking. As usual I was playing my IPod and allowing myself to mentally go from space to space as the music changed. I started to wonder if people would be interested in the effects music has on my brain and its ability to make me switch. I thought maybe I would pursue a research or study team to check it out. I find it fascinating, even if no one else does.

The act of what I refer to as 'switching' can be looked at from many angles. I suppose the most notable might be the possibility that it is a product of mental instability. That its a manifestation of post traumatic experiences and borderline personality disorder. A simple case (well not so simple) of personality identity disorder. Another strong possibility is that I truly am both genders and physically there are multiple sides to me.

Since music has such a big influence on my emotions, I began to wonder if the fluidity I experience in gender is emotionally based or physically based, or both. It is very apparent that emotionally I am in different places when in different spaces. And it is also apparent that I am physically in different places as well. I have noticed that my hand writing, my driving style, the way I walk or carry myself, is all dependent on 'who' I am in that moment.

Do my emotions change the physical state or is a physical change (eg: brain chemical or neuro activity) changing my emotions? Rationally I would think that most things are emotionally based and therefore behavioral, but I am not so sure I am ready to give in to rationale on this one. I can say, with the utmost certainty that I truly believe I am both genders. I have way too many characteristics to say otherwise. Characteristics that are not just behavioral. And being able to trace these attributes back to childhood well before I would have taught myself to behave differently just makes me think I am not just a girl.

So my research project would be to see if there are chemical or neurological changes that take place when I 'shift' from one gender to the other. And then to decide if emotionally I can cause those changes (if they exist) or if those changes are causing my difference in emotion.

Certainly not your classic chicken or the egg experiment.