Being Responsible

If you've ever been to a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist.....you probably have heard that "people are not responsible for your feelings". To this I have always tried to look back on and adhere to. Trying not to place blame for my feelings on other people.

Today I think I am an idiot for doing so. While I agree that no one can 'make' you feel anything you don't want to feel, people you interact with are absolutely responsible for your feelings. I think the blurred line rests in what that responsibility is.

Responsible can mean two things. Responsible as in being liable for the action that causes the feeling. And responsible as in doing the right thing. Being responsible means you take claim for what you do and say. Being responsible means you do and say what is deemed appropriate. When someone fails to act responsibly in either of those manners, they ultimately have started the cause and effect that eventually ends up in how you feel. In essence, they are absolutely responsible for creating a situation in which you muster up a feeling response.

How you chose to feel about the situation is certainly yours to own. If you choose to feel badly about something someone has said or done, that is your choice. However it is pretty unrealistic to assume that if someone says something that feeds your lack of self esteem, it is not going to bring unpleasant feelings to the surface. It's easy for people to tell you to 'let it go', but saying it is a whole lot easier than doing it.

So we make choices. Choices to take the hurt with the good, when good seems to prevail in a relationship. But there are plenty of times when the hurt will surface from someone's actions. And you will 'feel' that hurt and you will react to it. And yes, the one that caused that hurt, in my opinion, is responsible. Maybe not responsible for how you reacted to their insensitivity, but responsible for being callous in the words or actions that caused the feelings in the first place.