Gender Epiphany

I've been thinking a lot about gender binaries lately. I used to just be frustrated that I don't fit into any of them. But today I realized that my thought processes were pretty selfish. That my frustration is not mine alone. There are so many others out there that don't feel completely right checking one of those boxes.

I happen to live and work in a state that has fairly liberal laws regarding transsexuals. They are protected under a lot of our employment laws and laws regarding restrooms, locker rooms etc. I have seen 'other' on job applications and such. Its a step in the right direction. For them.

I am not a transsexual. I am not a future FTM. I am definitely an 'other' but not in the sense they see it as.

I know from my line of work and conversations with our legal advisers, that the laws here protect those that identify as a different gender. The lines are blurry as to how far you must be into the process of becoming the opposite (or correct) sex, but at least the protection is there.

I don't necessarily identify as a different gender than I look to people. I look female. I use the ladies room because people would certainly arrest me for using the mens room, and frankly, I don't feel like a man. I am not looking to be a man. I am very comfortable being my own gender. A little of both.

So I got to thinking, what provisions would I want to suit my gender variance. And honestly, I cant think of anything that has caused me undue stress other than my own self. People with gender variance are often misunderstood. I was not born into the wrong body, or into the wrong sex. I am my own sex. Sometimes my genitals are wrong for the moment, but I wouldn't want to change what I have. Ultimately I would be complete with a small functioning penis and a vagina. I don't want to remove my breasts, just make them smaller. I am so much of both sexes, I could never choose one over the other. But I would have liked to have at least been born to fit myself.

What this all means to me, is that I need to embrace myself more. I need to stop thinking that the world doesn't understand me. Even though they don't. I have realized that I don't need to change the way my world works, because the only person holding me back is myself. I am considering myself lucky today that I don't have to rely on laws and politics to let me comfortably be who I am. I can already do that. As long as I allow myself to do so.