D/s Essentials

I haven't written much lately on sexual deviance. My guess is that my fear is not as many people can relate. However upon reading a blog this morning that I follow, I was inspired to write a little on D/s relationships.

I have been involved in BDSM since high school (80s). No, I didn't don a whip and chains at that early age. However I can trace behaviors back to then and even prior to that, that show me how and when this all came into play for me.

I wont bore you with how I got to being the Mistress/Top/Daddy I am now 25 years later. We all have our own stories. And honestly, I try to avoid the all too common 'lets top the top' stories of the lifestyle.

One thing I do find important to discuss, is the role older more experienced lifestylers have to the newer less exposed players. It is vital that we take the time to show them the right way to treat people, and the way to expect to be treated. It is essential that we allow them the knowledge to make safe and sane decisions.

Long ago, before the Internet, you had to seek out your community. Physically. That played a HUGE part in how you learned the lifestyle. I think its fantastic that we have resources now to read and look at, but many new players are missing the foundation that BDSM is based on. Its based on dynamics and energy exchange. Not profiles and pictures and reading something you 'want to try'. Its based on experience handed down from the previous generation. Its based on handing down lessons learned from mistakes we made. You had to 'earn' your spot in the lifestyle then. Today, you just show up. And while its fantastic that the community has grown so quickly and so large, it presents so many opportunites to fall into the hands of someone that is not qualifeid to hold your trust and physical safe being in their possession.

Those of you that are new to the lifestyle (and I mean less than 10 years), seek out your elders. Educate yourselves. Ask questions. GET REFERENCES!!! Dont just show up at an event and expect everyone there to know what the hell they are doing. There is never a time in BDSM that you know everything. There is never a time we should stop learning. And there is never a time that a true lifestyler would fault you for asking and admitting 'you dont know'.

Anyone can learn how to tie you up. How to use the tools of the trade. How to humilate you and use typical phrases. Anyone.

Few know how to dance. Few know how to exchange energy equally. Few know that the bottom in the relationship is the true foundation.

D/s is only as good as those you share it with.

Honor yourself, no matter Top or bottom, and find a suitable partner. This is not a lifestyle in which settling is an option.