Swimsuit Dilemma

Summer is upon us again. Most people love the opportunity warm weather affords to wear less clothing. Less to put on, take off, wash and worry about it. Most people. Not me.

With summer comes added stress and anxiety. All year long I try to find clothes that 'cover' me up. Ways to hide the imperfections, both real and perceived. Ways to make sure I feel comfortable no matter which gender happens to surface throughout the day. It isn't an easy feat, but I can manage most days as long as I have enough clothes on.

I am going on a Hawaiian vacation this summer. A vacation of a lifetime for me. A week in paradise with my wife. Exploring the island and each other. I couldn't be more excited. And I couldn't be more apprehensive. What am I going to wear? It's hot there. There are a million beaches. The ocean. Swimming with the dolphins. It all screams, SWIMSUIT! I don't do swimsuit.

For starters, they absolutely do not make swimsuits for my body shape. Even if I was willing to wear a swimsuit off the rack in the ladies department, it would never fit. I am way too big chested and broad on the top and way too slim and tiny on the bottom. I could wear separates but we all know that is not going to happen. Bikini?....not. Tankini with my belly hanging out?....double not. So not only is it a frustrating thing to learn they don't make swimsuits to fit my body correctly, it just solidifies my poor body image even more.

I have decided that I need to buy board shorts. Bottoms I can always handle. What next. What do you wear with board shorts? Rash guard? No. Not trying to stuff my chest into a skin tight shirt that has a collar to boot! A T shirt? I could. However every time it gets wet I walk around in a soaking wet shirt plastered to my flaws. Not really an option either. Usually I just avoid the water situations and I solve this dilemma fairly quickly. I don't want to avoid them in Hawaii. I don't want to look like the party pooper. I don't want to not do things I truly want to do because of a swimsuit and my horrible self esteem.

I need some gender neutral ideas.