Gender in the bedroom

I have been fortunate for many years now to have a partner that is very in tune with my gender blurred reactions to things. This spills over into the bedroom. I know for me, there are key triggers that bring forth certain traits, be it masculine or feminine. Sometimes there are moments when I am truly 100% feeling both at the same time. (a particular favorite mind you).

After a nice long sweaty passionate end to the day yesterday, I was replaying our intimate moments in my head. I like to do that. I enjoy the little butterflies my tummy gets. As I was reliving the moments, I could see how many times my gender is influenced and altered during sex. I consider myself very lucky. As this way 'no one' gets left out.

My question is, how do people with gender identity issues handle the bedroom experience? Especially with a new or unfamiliar partner? If you are transgendered, or in the process of reassignment, or just identify as something different than your biological sex, how do you handle the intimate moments when your partner acts or reacts to you differently than you feel? Or do you just avoid those moments entirely?

I can remember the time before I became completely comfortable with being gender fluid, and before my wife knew how to respond. I remember the frustration at not being satisfied, the guilt for not being able to respond how she thought I would. I recall screaming out in silence "please just do this, or that", never quite comfortable enough to say it out loud. A big mistake.

While I am not completely comfortable with expressing my thoughts during sex, I have found ways to express where my head is (which can change in a moment's notice). Gestures, different kinds of touches, sounds etc, all cues. It works. But it has taken many years for it to work.

Honesty. That really is key. Being honest to yourself and what you want and need. Being honest with your partner, not just settling. Being brave enough to take the risk and put yourself out there. Its a big step. But an incredibly rewarding one.