Who's Shopping Now?

Frustration comes easy for me, especially when I'm shopping. Considering myself a gender outside the box, I find clothing choices difficult. Usually my intent when I enter a clothing store is to buy whatever the 'need' is at that moment. Many times the need is work clothes. I work in an office. We are fairly casual. I wear sneakers everyday, but they are always perfectly white, all white, and get thrown out the minute they get dirty. The rest of the outfit truly depends on where my head is at.

When I enter the store, I usually go to the womens section. I have a mission to accomplish. I pick over the racks, see things I know would look fantastic....on someone else. I usually don't find a single thing of interest to me. It just looks too 'girl'. I don't feel like these clothes. Usually, my frustration at not being able to find something that suits my genderless self, I am pulled to the boys section as if it were a magnet. I don't usually buy anything there either. Not because I don't like the clothes, because I really really do. But because I know that no matter how awesome those shirts look on the hanger, they aren't made for big boobs. I feel angry, and envious of everyone that gets to wear them, and more frustrated then when I started. At this point, anyone that may be with me, knows to run and hide as my mood has just spun to an uncomfortable place for most.

Out the store I go. Nothing in hand.

For the most part, my outfit consists of cargo pants, a t-shirt, button down worn open and my white sneakers. It seems to be a good representation of who I am most of the time. But what happens when I am not in my most comfortable space. What if I am feeling more in tune with, say, my sadistic side? Now, that part of me is much more feminine. Its then I find myself looking at leather pants, corsets, thigh high boots. I might even buy something if I stay in that head space long enough. And if I am feeling my Daddy side especially strong, I will seek out new boots that are completely opposite of the last pair mentioned.

I am perfectly OK with having so many sides to me. I am happy to embrace them all and cater to them. None of them are bad or wrong, they are all me, and have a place somehow in my dynamics with people involved in my life. The problem comes when I have no control over what triggers which persona. People, music, environment,and energy levels can all shift my head from one place to the next. Shopping then, is impossible. There is absolutely no way an outfit is going to be put together. I will inevitably emerge feeling quite victorious with my purchases only to find that thigh highs, cargo pants and a flannel shirt just don't go so well when put altogether.

I am just glad that my clothes are not me.