Comfort Zone

This weekend I stepped out my comfort zone a few times. It doesn't really matter what I was doing that causes me to say that, what matters is why I did it and how I mustered the courage to do so.

For a lot of us, the first recollection of stepping outside of our comfort zone begins at home. When you first realized that you were queer or kinky or transgendered etc. Telling family is usually an uncomfortable situation and the anxiety high. Not knowing how people will react, and always assuming the worst, we prolong the event until bearing it alone causes more pain than the potential rejection.

For many of us it goes fine and the relief is overwhelming. However for some of us, the assumptions and anxiety we carried become validated. The immediate feeling of abandonment, loneliness, humiliation, and fear aren't easily forgotten. In fact, those moments may shape how we handle conflict and confrontation, self expression, confidentiality and trust for the rest of our lives.

At some point, we all need support. Family seems a no-brainer, but for many that live outside the box, family doesn't necessary constitute bloodlines. Eventually we find a comfortable place to be ourselves. Maybe we mold a little to fit in. Maybe we aren't always 100% honest in who we are. Maybe we hold back the things that don't seem to meet the criteria. Many people can live just fine this way. Some acceptance is better than no acceptance. I lived this way most of my adult life.

I am a very complicated and multifaceted person. There is no way that any particular group or community could understand and support me completely. I simply fit too many molds and none at the same time. I have coped just fine. I live inside my head a lot. I don't share thoughts and feelings with many. Not because I don't wish to invite you into my world, but more because I don't expect you to understand. Nor do I want to put you in an uncomfortable position.

However, there are times when my head screams out for someone to hear me. Listen to me. Understand me. Allow me the privilege to be myself completely and comfortably in a safe place. It is at at these moments, that I must force myself to step out of the comfort of my own head and test the waters. Having a partner, friend, family, insert whatever here, that supports you makes this process a whole lot easier. They dont need to relate to you. They dont need to be the same as you. They dont need to have experience in what you are living, they just need to offer you a safe place to be yourself.

Only when you know that you truly are not alone, can you step out of the comfort zone. What you find on the outside is sometimes as amazing as the realization that someone cares enough to allow you to experience it.