Activism

I am not an activist. For some people, that makes me sound like a bad person. I admire and encourage activism. I do believe there are changes to be made and I do believe those that stand up for change do make a difference. I am passionate about my opinions, and if I really feel my voice can help, I will speak up. However, when it comes to personal struggles, I have never been one for screaming for change.

I am a lesbian. Sure, I would like to be able to comfortably love my partner in public and with the federal backing straight people are warranted. I would love my commitment to be recognized by more than just me. And yes, I do hope that future generations don't ever have to say "I wish". I support the people that fight for that right. However, I don't put myself on the front line. Does that make me less of a person? Maybe to some. Does it make me a hypocrite? In certain people's eyes it might. But those that refer to me as such do not know me.

I am gender fluid. I don't fit into a gender box. I don't feel completely comfortable in either gender. Should I demand there be a box for me to check? Should I demand access to both restrooms, to both locker rooms, to both dressing rooms? Maybe. But I don't.

The reason I don't has nothing to do with what people would assume. Most would say I am lazy. I am expecting others to fight for my cause and pave my path. That I am happy and selfishly OK with others doing the work and me reaping the rewards. That couldn't be further from the truth.

The true fact is, I am OK with who I am and honestly I don't feel overly discriminated against. I know I am different. But to me different doesn't mean people are treating me as less, it means I don't fit and they don't understand. And while I agree that all people deserve to be treated equally, I also believe that realistically there is no completely equal. There will always be people outside of the box. Boxes are based on commonality and greatest percentages. As life progresses and we learn who is outside of that box, sure that box should get bigger to fit everyone in. But honestly, I don't feel oppressed and I don't feel terribly slighted because I am a minority in my sexual orientation and my gender identity. I just compensate to do the best I can to fit in. I truly don't expect the world to change to make sure it includes me.

I know passionate activists that might read this would likely want to choke the living you know what out of me. That they would point fingers and say "That's why we are getting no where". But I say to them, "Keep fighting your fights, you do make a difference. But please don't judge me because I am comfortable".

I think after 40 plus years of fighting myself, I have come to a place of peace. And maybe I am just too tired to fight the rest of the world. I am content and happy. And my hope is that everyone can find that for themselves. I cant help but think that the world would change on its own if everyone worked to find inner peace first. That people who are comfortable with themselves would eventually attract others who were comfortable with them. There will always be opposition. In everything. I don't feel I need to make them want to love me. Nor do I feel my hate for those that hate would make me any better.