Ambiguity

Yesterday someone affectionately referred to me as ambiguous. Its a common word, and a commonly used part of speech. As a matter of fact, I use its ability in my sarcastic speech frequently. Ambiguity has many meanings. It can be a help or a hinder. It has the ability to blur lines and confuse. Ambiguity is found in many life situations, music, math, visual arts, religion etc. It is used, often without intent, to essentially put ideas into peoples heads that really aren't there to begin with. With intent, its a great tool for politicians and salesmen. With all that said, do you wonder why I referred to the reference as affectionate?

Ambiguity means being able to be interpreted in more than one way. It means leaving the door open for someone to interpret the situation as it suits them. And on that level I absolutely fit that definition. I am not textbook anything. I do not fit any label or any mold completely. I am flexible, fluid and ever changing, both in personality and gender. I also have the ability to blur lines and confuse. Not because I am being deceptive, but because I am multifaceted. Most people tap into only a small portion of me. I have a certain dynamic within my relationship with that person. At that moment, there are no lines being blurred or confusion. However when more than one person is with me at the same time, the chances for those dynamics to shift from place to place is much more likely. And while each person may very well recognize me in the context they have grown to know me, they may not necessarily recognize behavior patterns I show toward another. And while I go out of my way to keep these groups of people separated, sometimes they overlap.

Since my wife is in tune with all the pieces of me, she is fairly capable of 'running with the ball' when I am in a group. Though most likely unaware, she often slips into a dynamic with me that is best suited for the group. I am fortunate that no matter where my head is, she can compliment it. This is certainly not the case with others. There are many times when I receive furrow-browed looks from people that just simply 'dont get' me at that moment.

Being ambiguous means I have no defined lines. That you are free to relate to me in a variety of ways. That I can be seen in more ways than one. That I am ever changing and unpredictable. It means opening doors to situations and thinking outside of the proverbial box. It means opportunities to grow, learn and love a wider range of people. So yes, ambiguous to some may mean vague and unable to make up their mind. But I am choosing to accept it as a term of endearment.