Predator and Prey

Each night before I go to sleep I indulge in some self love. Primarily I do it to help me fall asleep quicker. That and the fact that I have the raging hormones equivalent to a 13 year old boy. If I didn't, I would probably back up and explode. I have done this since I was a very young child. Apparently I wasnt always very modest with the behavior as it was not so lovingly dubbed my 'habit' by my over bearing, over prudish mother. She kept tabs on my self pleasure, probably even had a journal. But those are sick stories for another day.

During the five not so thrilling minutes it takes me to accomplish the task at hand (no pun intended), my mind races like a whirlwind. I am one who prefers something visual to get me going. The event is so quick, it makes no sense to invest time loading a video or seeking out a book. Not to mention the added disturbance to my wife laying next to me. So, I use my head to conjure up pictures and situations. They aren't what I would deem fantasies, just arousing situations.

The first minute or so is very frustrating since the images fly all over the place. I wait patiently for my mind to settle on something that matches where my head space is at the time. Being so complex and diverse, what turns me on changes from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. Sometimes several times a minute! What excites one part of me has no effect on other parts of me. What I have noticed though, are the two ends of the spectrum that I seem to find arousing. Predator and prey. Not much in between. What I find really interesting is that I have dual genders in both categories.

In my mental time travels, I am trying to recall when exactly I started switching genders while indulging myself and why. So far I have come up empty. I don't recall a lot of my childhood. There are memory blanks that span up to a year at times. Makes me wonder what happened in those time periods that, when coming out on the other side, gave me an opportunity I now eroticize in some fashion.

Maybe I dont want to know. Not only for my sanity, but it may just ruin my five minute material.