Childhood Sadist

When I was younger, elementary school age, I showed a lot of dominant behavior toward other children in my neighborhood. Most kids called me mean, I called myself clever. I had an uncanny ability to dominate just about anyone if I chose to. I had no idea what the desire was then, I just knew I derived intense pleasure from being able to make kids do what I wanted them to do. I found it extremely pleasing to know that I could force someone to do something they otherwise wouldn't without having to use physical force. I was tiny. I still am smaller than most. But I was bigger than them all when it came to mind games and ability to control. Perhaps my lack of size gave me Napoleon complex. Perhaps my wicked mother and/or my childhood rape created the monster in me. Or perhaps I have always just been wired this way.

I recall some instances where my domination was simply mean. The more I disliked a neighborhood child, the more pain accompanied the torment. The kid I liked least on the block got thrown rocks at. I don't know why. That didn't even feel good. The next in line was a little boy that had some challenges. Back in the 60's and 70's everyone that had an issue wasn't necessary classified. This kid, David, was a great target. He was submissive by nature and would do anything I asked. He was not slow and I didn't feel like I was taking advantage, he was just eager to please and I allowed it. He seemed to enjoy the torment. It always made me smile, which in turn made him smile. We had a bond the other children didn't seem to understand, especially when I lit firecrackers I had stuck in the peeling sole of the front of his sneakers. I'm sure it hurt. But he always giggled, and I always felt high.

John John was a strange kid. He really liked me. He followed me everywhere. I didn't particularly like him. I used to manipulate him into doing things that would end him up in trouble with his mother. Back then trouble meant spanking or something physical that usually took place wherever your parent was able to catch you. The front yard was no exception. The result of my controlling his behavior was witnessing these spankings. I enjoyed watching the beatings as much as controlling his behavior.

My art of domination has changed significantly since those days. I have no interest in playing with men. I have no interest in being mean for the sake of it. However the core of who I was then and what was turning me on is the same today. I love the mental challenges S&M relationships present. I love being able to control people and situations just by being me. I have never been a fan of physically forcing submission. For some thats their kink, for me its not. I enjoy knowing that someone WANTS to be submissive. That they ARE submissive. That they DESIRE to be ultimate in their position. I want my energy to help them feel theirs. If I have to make you do it, you aren't it.

As an adult, I have educated myself and learned who I am and why I do what I do. However as a child, my sadistic behavior was purely fueled by the fact that it excited me, made me powerful and just plain felt good. Even then consent was usually there and I didn't go too far above my presumed areas of expertise and safety. The end result was sexually stimulating and made my self love later very satisfying. Life then was filled with naughty erotic moments. Makes me wonder why I was in such a hurry to grow up.