Perspectives

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are" - Anais Nin

When I was a child I dealt with life from the victim's perspective. I always had someone to blame for my poor choices. I certainly had enough people to use as a scape goat if I needed, and back then I needed to. As I grew into my teens, I not only rebelled against the world, I rebelled against my victim ways of thinking. I was determined to be strong and be an advocate for others needing (in my opinion) that strength. I still find myself getting annoyed at people that cant seem to muddle through. I can admit that I have little pity for those that cannot find the ability to help themselves. Strength and determination can take you a lot farther than your mind and body says you can go.

I became a parent in my early twenties. I was in the throws of addiction, financial crisis and homelessness. Somehow I persevered. I was able to get myself a place of my own, a job, and what I needed for the baby. Today she is almost nineteen and an amazing person. It is bittersweet I assure you. I am very proud, yet still riddled with a lot of guilt. I refused to feel like a victim during this time, as I probably only could have blamed myself anyway.

Now, after forty something years, 2 kids, a bunch of relationships gone bad, and one that finally went right, I am at a place where Anais Nin's words make perfect sense.

Even if the same exact moment occurred to two different people, their accounts would be different. Maybe not in the context of what actually happened, but in the way it effected them. We allow ourselves to be effected by using our life experiences as the tool. What scares you might be highly stimulating to me. Even if its the exact same thing.

I can look back on my life and see how what I was, or not so sure of what I was, had a huge impact on how I viewed life. Obviously its human nature to do so. However now I am able to step back, assess things from multiple perspectives and make a choice as to how I am effected by the situation. I try very hard not to give in to knee jerk reactions. This enables me to see the world a little more for what it is, and not just from who I am.